English Moving to the other side of the world sounds like an extraordinary adventure. The promise of a new life, the chance to reinvent yourself, the opportunity to embrace a culture that seems perfect for the lifestyle you’re seeking. We spend weeks, months, even years planning every detail. And then, when we finally arrive, we discover that reality is a bit more complex than we imagined.
This is what happened to Anita Fordin-Giese. After her husband received a job opportunity in Trentino-Alto Adige, she decided to make the big leap: leaving Phoenix, Arizona, to move to a village of just over 800 people.
What if you could see which Italian town checks every box – healthcare, schools, weather, 7% tax towns, affordability – in one place? You can. Our Town Explorer filters 1,500+ cities so you don’t waste time on towns that don’t fit your priorities.
Moving to Italy: How It All Started
About 15 years ago, while flipping through a professional journal, Anita’s husband – a chiropractor – discovered a position in a small town near Trento. It was meant to be a temporary move, three to five years maximum.
It happened to be Valentine’s Day, and they were heading out for Italian dinner – already in that mindset. What started as a curious idea quickly transformed into a serious conversation, and finally, into a definite decision. Within a year – between preliminary visits, visa paperwork, and planning – they were there, in their new village in northern Italy.
“I had visited Italy before moving, and I’d always loved the country, so I thought it was a fantastic opportunity. I set myself the goal of getting my certifications so I could work as an English teacher”
From Big City to Village Life: Adapting to a Completely New Lifestyle
Moving from Manhattan and then Phoenix – cities of millions – to a village of 800 people was a shock Anita hadn’t prepared for. The beautiful countryside, the slower pace, the close-knit community…it all looked perfect from the outside. But something fundamental was shifting inside.
“At first, I thought the language was my biggest challenge” she says. They’d arrived with just a few months of tourist-level Italian from an English course, but the real problem was that the village spoke mainly local dialect, which made things definitely harder. Plus, as an English teacher, Anita faced an ironic paradox: “I was in contact with Italians, but we weren’t speaking Italian. They were only entering my world for an hour or two at a time, in the classroom where obviously English was the rule.”
Building a social network proved just as difficult: “The friendships that sustain you through tough times, those born from sharing an aperitivo together – they didn’t form easily”. And online expat communities, back then, weren’t as accessible as they are today, something Anita believes would have made things easier.
Yet, on paper, life in Italy was working. “The healthcare system is fantastic. Yes, taxes are high, but healthcare is included”. The village was safe, beautiful, welcoming in its own way. Everything seemed fine. But language, she now understands, was just a symptom of something deeper happening inside that surfaced when her husband, thriving in his work, realized he wanted to stay in Italy permanently.
The Impact of Choosing to Stay
Suddenly, that strong, independent, and social woman found herself torn between her own feelings and the desire to support the man she loved, who had just discovered a dream he didn’t know he had until moving there:
“I found myself thinking: how can I bend myself to make this dream continue for him? I not only put myself on the back burner, but I completely stopped thinking about how to make myself happy here. My connection to my own power, to my own intuition, began to fade away.“
What Anita experienced is something many expat women face but struggle to articulate: the gradual disconnection from their own identity. Something that doesn’t happen overnight, but starts with small, unconscious decisions: “Self-doubt comes in very quickly. She moves in and becomes your new roommate, and that takes away from the way of thinking about yourself that puts you as a priority.”
Helping Others Find Their Way
To react, Anita started small but consciously. Daily walks in local parks. Conversations with other dog owners. Stopping by the local pub every so often. One day, she recalls with a laugh, she decided to write on a card: “I’m American and I want to learn Italian” – putting her true self, struggles included, out there. That simple, carefree gesture became a turning point, because it sparked real conversations and actual friendships.
From this personal experience, Anita decided to make it her life’s mission: helping other expat women rediscover their identity. She created The Xpat Factor, a community where she guides them through their journey.
One woman came to her after moving to Italy for her boyfriend four years earlier – worn down, ready to give up on everything. Three months later, she completely changed her attitude: “It was like she got a new haircut. She started wearing vibrant colors. She embraced her community. She was organizing happy hours with new friends”. What changed? She stopped trying to fit in and started asking herself what she needed, what connected her to herself – and then finding ways to create that in her new place.
Practical Steps to Reconnect
Through her work, Anita has identified the most common limiting beliefs expat women struggle with:
- “Did I make the right decision coming here?” – this question becomes a constant refrain, especially when simple tasks like mailing a letter turn into four failed attempts. The mind begins to catastrophize: “If I can’t even manage the post office, how can I actually function in this life?”
- “I don’t belong here” – this belief is particularly dangerous because it pushes you to try to fit in rather than belong. And fitting in means betraying who you truly are to please others.
- “I’ve given my power away” – the belief that your strength, your independence, your sense of self has somehow been transferred to someone or something else, when in reality, it’s still there; you’ve just disconnected from it.
So Anita’s advice for women experiencing this disconnection is radical in its simplicity: start with yourself. Spend time every day connecting with what you want to see in your life. Get out into your community as yourself – not as someone’s partner, not as the foreigner trying to fit in, but as you. Create routines that reflect your values and desires, whether that’s walking in local parks, meeting people at cafes, or simply sitting with yourself long enough to remember who you truly are.
“We spend so much time thinking about what others think of us, analyzing our “mistakes”. But we rarely ask ourselves: what do I really want from my life? What is right for me?“
The Message She Wishes She’d Heard
It took Anita ten years to fully understand what had happened and to begin her journey back to herself. A decade of feeling small, insecure, disconnected from that vibrant, social woman she’d always been.
Today, she wants to tell every woman in her position: the discomfort you feel is not a sign of failure. It’s a sign that you’re not truly listening to yourself. The language barrier wasn’t really about Italian; it was about losing your voice. And belonging doesn’t come from bending yourself into someone else’s dream – it comes from the courage to honor your own.
Now, helping expat women navigate this journey isn’t just work for Anita, it’s a calling:
“I believe our purpose in this life is to help each other rise, to help each other become who we want to be. What’s most fulfilling is helping someone get there, helping them rise and become the best version of themselves.”
Was this helpful?
